you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
