Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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