This girl is more easily done than said...
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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