if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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