And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
