Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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