I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
