If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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