just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
