Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
