I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Randomize
