i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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