you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
should my penis look like a turkey
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
