Jerry, you need to find god
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
i think i just lost a toe
Randomize
