I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
