is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
