does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
