also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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