I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
