I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Randomize
