he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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