So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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