I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
