We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Another day, another engagement, another cat
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
