See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.�
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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