i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
