I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
