its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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