watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
