His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
