he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
