Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Drunk is not a location!
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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