I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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