2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
