he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
