their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
