I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
