you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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