The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
