you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
