god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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