That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Randomize
