Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
