the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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