Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
