I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
