He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
