Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
