So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Randomize
