The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
