I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
