I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
